YOU

him.

he’s the one you could see 10 years from now, anywhere, at anytime. you could be single, married, in a relationship. you could have remained his friend or not seen him since high school. but your heart would still give a little flutter, a small intake of breath when you see him.

he’s the one that whenever you hear he’s invited you make a special effort to look especially good

he’s the one that if you ever hear his name, your ears prick up to listen, just to see what he’s up too, how he’s going

he’s the face from your dreams, because, no matter how hard to try you cannot seem to be able to go to sleep without thinking of him, even just for a moment

he’s the one that if you touch, even just the lightest brush of his arm against yours sends tingles down your spine

he’s the one that no matter how many times you tell yourself it will never work, your heart keeps a little hold of him, a little hope that maybe, maybe one day, you could be his. and he, he could be yours. no longer him. but you and him. us. together.

but for now he remains ‘him’

Dear best friend, lover someone who used to care.

Its hard without you. everyday, its hard not to run back into your arms, and hide there. i know you’d let me, just for a little while.

Its hard to know that you might not be hurting like me, well, maybe a little bit. but you replaced me, so you have something new, and I, I have nothing.

Its hard because every time I close my eyes, walk down the street past that bus stop, that park, I get flashes of you. your smile, your laugh, your eyes.

Its hard not knowing when this pain will go away. if ever. and part of me just wants to give into it, to let it have me. let you have me again. even if it is just a little part, a friendship, a few exchanged words. But thats how it all started wasn’t it?

Don’t you see that now i can never come back? that i have already given everything i have, to you? who took it, and held it for a little while before throwing it back in my face. don’t you see that now, even if it doesn’t work out between you and her, i can never come back. i can never come back.

Part of me wishes, longs, everyday. for you. for you to come running down my driveway, stand outside my window and tell me it was all a mistake? that it was always me? never her. but i know. i know it was never me. i was just an amusement, a time filler, just whilst she was gone. even in my perfect little world, where i thought we had a chance, me and you. you never thought the same. it was always her. always.

Thats why this is so hard. because i know that now i can never trust you. ever. i know that no matter what, no matter how many years, if were married with kids, i would never be able to trust that if she turned up you would simply walk straight into her arms again.

That is why i am leaving you. Not just in that sense, but in every sense. I will no longer talk to, nor listen to you. because it hurts too much. you hurt to much.

Goodbye,

i will always hate  love you. 

smile.

think of the happiest memory you have. let it consume every part of your body, let you mouth give in to this bubbling feeling of happiness and let a smile spread right across your face. a real smile, not the fake one you’ve been hiding behind. remember this smile, and if ever you remember to not forget it, simply bring it back. easy. this smile is whats going to get you through. because as long as you have happy things to remember you are happy, and if you are happy you really can do anything :)

talk to your friends, they are there to help you, they love you, and are always there to make you feel better <3

Get up. Stop crying. Pick yourself off the floor and look in a mirror. This is you. As you are now, without anyone around. This is who you are. You do not need someone to tell you, you are who you make yourself. So go make yourself someone. And make that someone truly amazing

One day.

One day you are going to wake up. And you won’t think of him. One day you will get a message or a phone call and you will realise you feel nothing, that you have better things to do, better things to do than sit around and wait for this boy to notice you. One day you will get up and you will do these things, and on this day, he will
Be missing you.

how to get over someone.

day 1:

allow yourself, a day, just one, to go through all those letters he wrote you, all your memories together, pictures, notes, texts, promises, let yourself remember him, little details the way he held you, the way his jaw clenched when something went wrong. allow yourself to feel sad, cry, let it all out, all the pain the heartbreak, the horrible feelings, scream to the saddest song you know. punch a pillow, kick a ball but dont forget to embrace the good times as well. laugh at the good times, remember the little things he would do for you, the funny comments he would make, the way he looked at you whe  he was happy. accept what he was, who he was. and accept that it hurts now hes gone. watch sad movies, eat a block of chocolate, wear your pj’s all day, drink milo with little marshmellows, smell his clothes he left at yours, sleep, dream, remember, heal, let go. this is the day you accept what you had and that you dont have it anymore, understand why and simply let it go.

day 2:

this day is all about you. wake up early, have fruit for breakfast, go for an extremely long run whilst listening to your favourite music, come home, have a suuuper long bath, with oils and floating flowers and divine smells. pamper yourself, shave your legs, paint your toenails, do your hair differently, wear a flower behind your ear. get dressed up, then take all your clothes off, run round the house dancing in your underwear, have fun, be yourself sing loudly, go crazy, invent some new dance moves. meditate, be calm and collected, focus on your breathing, in and out, your scent, your energy, you. tidy your room, go and make it immaculate, change it around, put a new poster up, put a new ornament on your desk, put some wild daisies in your room. look through an old school box, books, notes, memories from when you were much much younger, 5. try to do something new, learn some words from a different language, play guitar, listen to something you’ve never been interested in before. ring someone or text someone you miss, a friend overseas you havent talked to in a while. bake. make cookies, or gingerbread men, bake a cake and ice it to perfection. go outside and sing at the top of your lungs, bounce on the tramp, do a cartwheel, a handstand, run around and be a kid again. splash in the play pool, throw a ball around, have fun. go inside, make a smoothie, put on a homemade facemask, wear a bracelet or necklace you havent worn in a while, be different, be happy, be you. when it gets dark, put some different pyjamas on and lie outside on the grass, count the stars, choose a special one and make a wish, play with the grass and stare at the moon, let your mind wander, the big questions of life, God, peace, poverty war. count your blessings and thank someone, out loud, who isnt there, thank them for something they did years ago that made you smile. take one last look at the stars and go inside, snuggle down in your bed and smile, think about whatever makes you happy. just remember, you are you and you dont need anyone to feel like this, you, yourself have just had a wonderful day, and fall asleep with a smile on your face.

day 3:

this is the day you forget, forgive and move on. get outside, call your friends, go to the beach with them, hang out, get lost in there problems, tell them yours. accept them and offer the best advice you have, make sure you tell them you are there for them no matter what, make your friendships the strongest they have ever been. get out there, dont say no to anything. talk to someone new, smile at a stranger, help an old person with there shopping. be kind, be generous, donate an old toy to the poor, give a busker your spare change, keep that smile stretched on your face and really live, let go of the past and be ready to face the future, be open minded and open hearted. talk to a new boy, or an old one you’d almost forgotten about, hang out, go to a party, do something crazy, invite a someone over you’ve always wanted to know more about and get to know them. anonymously give someone a heartfelt compliment, a long deep and thoughtful one. do something for someone you wouldnt usually do. clean the dishes for your parents, without being asked. tell your mum she looks great today, go shopping with her, but focus on her, not you. make her try on everything and tell her honestly what looks great. do something for your siblings or your neighbours, be especially nice to your pet, talk to God. tell a true friend how much they really mean to you. if someone you dont really talk to talks to you talk back, be open to whatever, be friendly. if you know someone is going through a rough time, talk to them , do something for them, write them a letter, or a card. be lovely, let your true colours shine through, fix a mistake you made, apologise for something you did. forgive someone else. love again, this is who you are, and you are amazing.